Torchwick's Number One
by Laughalota
Summary: A little Rwby Chibi skit I could NOT help but make. Basically, Torchwick hires three minions to help him, and wacky antics ensue!


**Hey guys, I'm back at it with another one of my projects, this time though, it's a one-shot, probably my first/last. I said that I might consider doing this after I completed my first story, and I'm a man of my word. So, let's get this show on the road. Also, this is going to be designed like a form of stage play, with a script. Hope ya'll like it!**

 **RWBY IS PROPERTY OF ROOSTER TEETH**

 **LAZY TOWN IS PROPERTY OF NICKELODEON**

"Scene opens in generic bad guy warehouse, where Chibi Neo is busy, writing down signs, when Chibi Torchwick kicks down the door."

Torchwick: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! I can feel it Neo, today will finally be the day that little red brat, and her no-good friends will feel my wrath!

Neo: (rolls her eyes and holds up sign) "Here we go again."

Torchwick: Aw, don't be like that! This one will work, I promise! So, I have been in town, thinking about why my plans keep failing, and now I realize! I need an army, like the one Cinder has! So, I have invited three Grimm Soldiers to come here, and I shall mold them into my instruments of team RWBY's destruction! MWAHAHAHA!

Neo: (Pretends to be amused and excited for her boss, but on the inside, she's like, "Oh boy, I can't wait to see how this goes, and in case you couldn't tell, I'm being sarcastic. (sighs) Sometimes, I wish I could speak, so I can really tell you all what goes on in my head, like the fact I'm…")

"Torchwick snaps his fingers in front of Neo."

Torchwick: Were you even listening?!

Neo: (nods quickly, snapping back into reality)

Torchwick: Good!

"There is a knock at the door."

Torchwick: (gasps) That must be them! Is my hat straight? Does my breath smell?

"Neo sniffs, and gags."

Neo: (Holds up sign) "Minty fresh!"

Torchwick: Oh, thank god! (clears throat) Ok, time to meet my future killing machines!

"He goes to the door, and opens it, causing two Chibi Beowulfs, and a Chibi Geist to come tumbling into the room."

Torchwick: Ummm, (clears throat) greetings my new minions!

Beowulf 1: Who you calling minions?!

Torchwick: (yelps) You can talk?!

Beowulf 2: Of course we can talk!

Torchwick: But, your Grimm! How can evil monsters that only know how to kill, know how to talk?!

Beowulf 1: Really, you're going to argue logistics with us in a world that has human beings with small bodies, and huge heads?!

Torchwick: (nods) Good point, anyway, what are your names?

Beowulf 1: I'm Mike.

Beowulf 2: I'm Marty.

Torchwick: Wait, you both look the same, how am I supposed to tell you two apart?!

"The two Grimm look at one another."

Mike: Uh, I have no idea what you're talking about dude.

Marty: Yeah, we're not similar in any way, shape, or form.

Torchwick: But you… Ugh, never mind, where's the Geist?

"The Geist then appears behind him, possessing his hat."

Torchwick: Hey wha..? Not again!

Geist: (laughs) Such nefarious plans!

Marty: That's Floyd, he can be annoying at times.

"Torchwick grabs his hat, as Floyd flies out of it. Neo is in the background giggling."

Torchwick: Anyway, I've brought you three here to become my evil minions!

Mike: Uh... what?

Marty: I was promised free food!

Floyd: Ohhhh, that's awesome! I already got some evil schemes that are insane boi!

Torchwick: 0-0, Is he always this, odd?

Marty: Trust me, you'll get used to it.

Torchwick: Anyway, are you three, really evil?

Mike: Technically, no.

Torchwick: Have you ever fought a good guy? You know, like a real Huntsman or Huntress? Particularly, a little red brat, and her no-good friends?

Marty: Nah, one of our friends did, but he bit the dust. No pun intended.

Torchwick: Well, did one of you at least rob a bank?

Floyd: Nah, nahh. I always get kicked out by some old dude.

Torchwick: (sighs, facepalming) This is gonna be harder than I thought. Ok, I can see, that I'll have to teach you, how to be, CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS! Neo, saxophone if you'll please.

"Neo nods, and pulls out a saxophone. She then closes her eyes, and begins to play the 'We are Number One theme'"

Mike, Marty, & Floyd: HEY!

"Both Torchwick and Neo jump back in surprise, with Neo looking into the instrument to see if she did anything wrong. The three Grimm are now playing instruments of their own, with Floyd on the drums, Mike on guitar, and Marty on trombone."

All 3 Grimm: (singing) WE ARE NUMBER ONE, HEY!

"They then begin to pull out many of the different weapons and equipment seen throughout RWBY Chibi, including the Death Ray, the Brain Scrambler, and the Universal Glove. Torchwick is then seen conducting with his cane, as his minions and Neo continue to play their instruments."

All: (excluding Neo, who just mouths the words) WE ARE NUMBER ONE!

Torchwick: Alright, pay attention you three!

"The scene then cuts to Torchwick in one of Beacon's classrooms, with the Grimm sitting at desks, and Torchwick and Neo at the chalkboard."

Torchwick: (singing) Here's a little lesson in trickery, this is going down in history!

"As he's singing, Neo points to different drawings on the board, with one saying '2+2=TRICKERY'"

Torchwick: If you wanna a bad guy number 1, …

"The scene then cuts to the bad guys in the Emerald Forest, hiding behind a tree."

Torchwick: … you have to chase some pesky Huntresses on the run!

"As soon as he says that, Ruby runs by, Crescent Rose in hand."

Torchwick: There she is, go, go, go!

"The bad guys rush out of hiding, as they chase her. Ruby then uses her scythe to round a tree, as Torchwick tiptoes onto the scene, with everyone else following in his footsteps."

Torchwick: Just follow my moves, and sneak around! Be careful not to utter a sound!

"Marty then steps on a branch, making a loud crack noise."

Marty: OH, STICK! (reaches to pick it up)

Torchwick: NO DON'T TOUCH THAT YOU FOOL!

"But it's to late, as Marty picks up the stick, that was connected to a wire, with the other end of it attached to a bowling ball Torchwick set up in a tree. Said bowling ball then falls on his head, knocking him unconscious."

Marty: Whoops.

"Then, Blake is seen walking, as Neo points to her. Mike acknowledges, and leaps at her."

Mike: WE ARE NUMBER ONE, HEY! (jumps)

"But it turns out that it was one of Blake's shadow clones, as Mike falls right through it, doing a scorpion as he lands, whimpering."

Floyd: Oh, I got an idea!

Marty: Please, just shut up!

"Floyd then swirls around some rocks, forming into a Chibi Petra Gigas."

Floyd: WE ARE NUMBER ONE!

"He then sneaks behind Ruby, and with one hit, knocks her out cold."

Floyd: HEY!

"The scene cuts back to Neo, Marty, and Torchwick, as Neo pours cold water onto her boss, waking him up."

Torchwick: WHOWHATWHENWHEREWHY?!

Neo: (holds up sign) WE ARE NUMBER ONE!

Torchwick: Oh right! (pulls out a net) Ahem, now look at this net, that me and Neo just found! (tosses it to Mike) When I say "go", be ready to throw!

Marty: Ok then!

"Yang and Weiss rush pass them."

Torchwick: GO!

"Marty throws the net, but it lands on Torchwick."

Torchwick: THROW IT AT THEM NOT ME YOU RETARD!

"Marty whimpers and back off."

Marty: I'm sorry, I'm color-blind!

Torchwick: What does that have to do with….. (sighs) Let's just try something else.

"The scene cuts to a different part of the forest, with Neo holding a bag of banana peels. She then starts throwing them on the ground."

Torchwick: Now watch, and learn, here's the deal. They'll slip n slide on these banana peels! (laughs)

"Mike then comes on to the scene, holding his head."

Mike: Oh my (slips on banana peel, as he slides on all of them) HE-AH-AH-AHAHAHA! (crashes off-screen)

"Everyone else looks away as the screen shakes."

Torchwick: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

"Then, Floyd appears behind them, holding a large cage that contains an unconscious Ruby."

Floyd: Hey guys, look at what I caught!

Marty: Oh, what no-(his jaw drops)

Torchwick: Well blow me down, you actually caught my arch nemesis!

Mike: Yeah, you actually did something right for once.

ALL: HEY!

"They begin to depart, as Yang, Blake, and Weiss are seen in the background."

Yang: LET ME AT EM, LET ME AT EM! (tries to run at her sister's captors, but is being held by Blake)

Blake: Yang, cool it, we won't get Ruby back by barging in.

Weiss: I agree, I say we follow them stealthily.

"The scene cuts back to the warehouse, where the bad guys are all jamming out on instruments and singing to themselves."

Torchwick: WE ARE NUMBER ONE!

All: HEY!

"As they continue singing, team WBY can be seen sneaking in the background, nearing Ruby's cage. The scene cuts to a bird's eye view shot of Roman, who is spinning."

Roman: CRIMINALS, NUMBER ONE!

"Everyone jams out in a conga line, as Marty bangs two symbols together."

Yang: (whispers) Rubes, take this. (she hands her a cookie)

"Ruby takes the cookie, and instantly devours it, as she feels a rush of energy flow through her. She begins to levitate, and her eyes glow a bright silver."

Roman: (turns around) WHAT THE FLIM FLAM?!

Marty: THE GIRL'S ESCAPING, GET THE DEATHRAY MIKE!

Mike: Got it!

"Mike holds the deathray in front of him, but his colorblindness makes him aim right at Torchwick."

Torchwick: NO, WAIT!

Neo: (holds up sign) HIT THE DECK!

Mike: WE ARE NUMBER ONE, HEY! (pulls trigger)

"The resulting explosion from the massive deathray blasts Torchwick and Neo into Ruby's cell, as Ruby flies out of it. They are both covered in soot, as they lay there, dazed."

Mike: Did I get her?

Marty: I think so. (spots Torchwick and Neo in Ruby's place) Oh shi-

"He doesn't get to finish his sentence, as Ruby uses her silver eye powers to freeze all three Grimm in place."

Ruby: (does her signature pose with her scythe, as the rest of her team poses behind her) We are number one!

RWBY: HEY, HEY! (poses, as the music stops)

Weiss: I can't believe I just did that.

"The other girls laugh, as the team leaves. Cinder then immediately walks in."

Cinder: Roman, have you seen my…. (sees the wreckage, and sighs) What, happened, this time?

Neo: (holds up burnt sign) Don't ask!

Cinder: (sighs) Your fired Roman. (walks off)

 **Wow, that took a while. Sorry guys, schoolwork and life caught up to me. Anyway, I'm going to begin work on another chapter for the Cuphead story, and maybe show you a sneak peak of another story. Until then, PEACE!**


End file.
